Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I believe in your delicious
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
