Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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