Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
