Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
