I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
