Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
