I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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