I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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