It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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