she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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