I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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