Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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