Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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