Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
