I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
