I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
