that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
