yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
