the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
