The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
