hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
