id be glad to
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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