So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
