I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
