i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
