i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
