he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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