It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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