so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
