five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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