just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
