I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
