around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
