LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
