I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
