Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
