There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
