I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
