I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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