if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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