A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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