I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
