I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
