the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
