you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
