love makes seman taste better
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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