Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
