Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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