i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
