Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
