I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
